A teacher’s story – Part 1

*For the sake of clarity and shortage, all teachers, instructors, professors, lecturers and any other job that falls under educators will simply be named teacher in this story.

Do you know how most teenage/young adult movies that happen inside colleges and high school, focus on students; their first day, their rushed thoughts, and their anxiety? That’s cool, we get to know what are they thinking of and it sets the mood for the rest of the few hours you’re going to watch, depending on what genre it is. But what about what happens on the other side? The teachers and the professors; how do they feel? What’s going on in their minds a few seconds before entering their hall or their classroom?

Have you ever thought of that? No. You don’t care.

We know that teaching is a demanding job, but why isn’t there a movie talking about their dramas, their grading, their relationships with the students and co-workers? What happens behind the scenes? Well, lucky for you, I’m a college instructor and happy to walk you through what happens in my professional life, that also overlaps to my personal life.

This story is not for professors who’ve been working for 23466354 years – don’t judge me, please move along. This story is for struggling instructors/teachers and newbies, you might relate, you might not relate, and that’s okay.

What happens on your first day of school/college? As a student, you’re overwhelmed with thoughts about your teachers, your grades, who you’re going to sit with, who’s going to be mean to you and who’s going to be your friend. Well, guess what, this is exactly what we think when it’s our first day of classes too!

Will the students like me? I don’t want to sound too friendly so they don’t ride me, but I also don’t want to sound like a strict-tough ass, I hated them as a student – Did I print out my syllabus? Let me take another look, there might be a typo and I might be overthinking.

Does this look right? Do I look a bit too casual? I should wear sneakers, right? But I’m going to be standing I need to be comfortable. This is tiring already!

You get into class and you say your good mornings and your mind is already rushing with thoughts “What are those little one thinking about me?” – But you know what’s worse? When these guys are international students and they side-talk in a different language, believe me: it’s a nightmare and you’ll always assume the worst.

The trick is, we don’t just show up to the first day of classes, we’re already working at least a couple of weeks earlier. Or a day before if you’re a nasty procrastinator.

I see you, you sneaking and smiling and thinking, “Haha, I don’t. Because I do it the night before!”

Yes, the procrastination process – we’ll discuss this later.

Don’t worry, dear. Almost all of us do that. The good ones who don’t, give yourself a pat on the back.

So, you have your slides ready, what you’re gonna do, and even what you’re gonna say – I’m pretty sure you have some note cards that say “Good morning students, guys” cause you want to sound firm, but cool. Professional, but hip. You have a card for almost everything you’ll be talking about.

These first hours of your class would feel like a fucking eternity – your palms are sweaty, and those damn clock arms aren’t moving. They go by fine and you’re finally in your office. You’ll now be either trying to sit quietly to calm down with music in your ears, or you’ll chat/call your favorite person and reliving your day with them. Things are so clear in your brain.

Now moving on from dealing with the first day with students to dealing with the first day with colleagues. But let’s leave that to another story, shall we?

A Teacher’s Nightmare

An actual nightmare. Like the ones we get when we sleep, you know?

Let me rewind a little: I’ve been working as a full-time media instructor for a year now, and it’s one of the best decisions I’ve ever taken. The instant impact you see on your students faces, or how grateful they are for you helping them out. Of course on the other hand, you feel like you either need to murder yourself or them – whichever is easier because you are mentally exhausted.

I can talk about the perks of being a teacher/instructor forever, but there’s this one little thing that has been bugging me since I started.

A few days before my very first day at work and I had this weird dream – students are making fun of me. I can’t control them. The more I yell and the angrier I get, makes them laugh even more. My first class in my dream was a total disaster.

I was sweating like a pig the minute I entered my class – I was nervous but I tried to sound calm. Guess what? They were scared too! Most of them were newcomers and were shy, calm and nervous from being in a new country and a new college.

First semester went on fine, and I thought hey, am getting the hang of this. There are definitely things that I need to work on, but it went just fine. I won’t have any problems preparing for the upcoming semester.

Few days before my 2nd semester, the same dream happens. Of course in some changes in dialogue; like leaving the room and ignoring me. Pointing at me and making fun cause I have booger hanging down my nose. But in real life, my first day is completely different. And I’m the one who is always in control.

And they are scared cause you’re in charge of failing or passing them.

But what’s different this semester, or the reason I decided to talk about it wasn’t similar. So, I posted my grades and submitted all student inquiries less than a week ago, and I was mentally preparing myself for the winter break. Usually, the dream comes in few days before the semester starts, but this one decided to pay a visit few days after the semester ended. WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT?

It was more aggressive than usual, I was yelling my lungs out, but they weren’t listening. I messed up their syllabus, and I didn’t have enough copies – I run to the printing machine which doesn’t print and eats up half of my lecture time. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING?! I was running through the halls when another instructor saw me, “Shit, now they know I’m behind and not in my lecture hall.”

I released the biggest sigh when I woke up and traced back my thoughts that I’ve been off for the past few days and it was a nightmare. I had a talk about it with a colleague; “I’ve been teaching for the past 10 years and it doesn’t stop. Sometimes it gets worse.”

Well, thank you so fucking much.

Teachers around the world, does this happen? Have you gotten over it? What do you do to break the stress of the first day?

If only students knew.